Hi TheByzantine,
I'm going OK but certainly not great....thanks for asking. But the situation has not changed a great deal. I was actually tossing up what the best approach was to raise this with her and in the end I settled on being up front with her and just telling her exactly how I felt.
I think in the past when I have tried to raise this with her, it's often been at times when there has been a lot of excitement and anger on both our parts ie. in the middle of an arguement or at the end of a long week. But on this occasion, I was very calm and measured in my approach, and was very honest and upfront in telling her my reasons for doing it and that I cared for her greatly and was as reassuring as I could be, all the while delivering the message that I didn't want to continue the relationship.
Unfortunately, the net result was much the same as it has been in the past. She was calm at first, but it wasn't long before she started to get hysterical, then started using her abandonment issues as a reason why I couldn't leave. I understand that everyone has their triggers and buttons, and me walking out the door obviously triggers those for her. She feels abandoned and it all stems from her childhood where she was never allowed to feel good about herself and achieve anything.
In that moment, I'm very scared for both of us because I have no idea what she's going to do. I actually believe that she's not in control of what she's doing. But even when she calmed down and was talking more rationally, she still will not let go of me or the relationship. Even taking what I'm saying into consideration, she's arguing every point with me and telling me that what I'm thinking and feeling is wrong and that our relationship will stand the test of time. She's very committed....I'll give her that.
Net result was that it got to 3.30am in the morning and I had to be up at 7am the following morning so I agreed to try and work things out with her just to get some sleep. Sounds stupid, but I'm sure plenty of others have been there and done a similar thing.
I'm now at the point where I'm thinking the only approach that will work is to stop being nice about the whole situation and just walk out the door. As harsh as it sounds, its getting to the point where I can't see any other choice.