Maybe he's afraid to accept your intimate gestures because of the sexual feelings they arouse in him? I'm just guessing, but do you think he might be concerned that getting involved in hugging and kissing with you might wind up to be nothing more than an excerise in frustration for him because it's unlikely you'll be able/willing to get as intimate as he would like to? If that's the case, he might prefer to reject your intimate gestures early on rather than risk having you reject him once he's aroused.

Bringing your husband to a therapy session would probably be very helpful.