I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. I'm glad you contacted your T. Don't feel guilty about it; you DESERVE help when you need it. I hope your T can help you. BTW...have you ever made a coping box? A therapist I had in the past had me make one and sometimes it helps a lot. I put in relaxation tapes, a journal, a sketch pad and art supplies (I can't really draw, but sometimes it's nice to just scribble hard on the page LOL), a couple of inspirational books, and my T helped me write a list of my positive qualities that I can read. Take care!!
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From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too."