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When she acts like this she’s trying to get a response to you, remove your response and eventually she’ll try a new tactic. I didn’t really have an issue with this with my own children but I had my niece and nephew for several months because of health issues.
I know they had a lot going on, their baby brother had just been born extremely prematurely (@ 21 weeks) so their parents were 6 hours away at the hospital with him. At 4 and 5 I don’t know how much they understood about what was going on, but they suddenly living in a different house and rarely saw their parents. They were not well behaved before this crisis, and the added turmoil did not help. My MIL & FIL couldn’t handle them which is how they came to us.
Our own children were 7, 5, and twin 18 month olds. My husband worked 14 hours a day 4 days a week so having 6 kids 7 and under require a lot of structure and order. In the beginning I had my 4 year old niece on my hip all the time because that’s what she was used to. They couldn’t even ask for a glass of water without throwing a fit, and their fits were definitely upsetting my own children. So when it became apparent that this was going to be a long term thing I had to implement the same tactics that I would have done with my own children. I explained that Auntie does not understand them when they whine or scream, if they want something they have to say it in a regular tone of voice. The 4 year old was a clever girl and her behavior changed almost overnight. The 5 year old was a bit more stubborn, but he eventually came around.
When their father came for a weekend visit my nephew reverted back to his original behavior. I took my BIL aside and told him I loved him, I loved his children but I could not deal with that chaos, if they were going to stay there he had to fully support us. I explained we had definite meal times, bath times, story times, and bed times. If they acted out, they went to time out. My BIL’s participation was half hearted at best, but it was enough to maintain structure.
You mention you’re a single mom, I know you’re busy, but try to make sure to make time every single day for mom and child time; positive, fun, age appropriate things where she has your undivided attention. This will give the two of you a good foundation for communication.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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