Hi guys,

WHAT AN AWFUL DAY TODAY.

I feel so sick and so misunderstood. So paranoid and hateful. Aggitated snappy.... inferior.

I hate myself right now for being so weak. I hate myself for being so pityful and needy.

I hate the burden I place on my husband, I hate the way I treat my friends when I am like this.

I swore I saw ppl looking over at me while talking,..... they, I think, were talking about me and I just wanted to shout at them if they had something to say SAY IT!

So I was at a high recently, bought a jacket that made me look like a hooker and items of clothing I would never wear unless on a high again. I was life and soul at the office and now dont want to speak with anybody actually I just want to be invisible.

Hubby is getting rather critical again which doesnt help.

Ok so from this feeling WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOopyyyyy again..........then dooooooown down down...... SCREAM!

I am going to draw a picture of how it feels. I will try and scan it here maybe?

Sometimes you feel like its never gonna end.... man I need to speak to doc about meds. He gave me rispiridone but didnt work so I didnt go back.

I REALLY NEED HELP BUT I FEEL LIKE THESE DAMN DOCTORS DONT HAVE A CLUE AND FEEL LIKE THEY DONT EVEN LISTEN OR CARE> MINE RUSHES ME AND CONSTANTLY LOOK AT HIS WATCH> NO WONDER I HAVENT BEEN BACK.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr