Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses

I"m feeling much better, seem to be stablizing, I'm still learning what triggers these episodes, and when I cycle into them,

I need to be more open minded to the possibilty of medication, I hate the idea of it, and I am terrfied of the side effects, my knowledge is weak on the topic as well.

I"m up for now, but fearful of getting back down low, I took care to make myself go out a few times this weekend to go see friends (I have a HUGE issue of isolating when crashing into a low)

I don't know what to tell T, or what steps to take to make the lows easier, or to do better self care, feeling a big overwhelmed by my bipolar disorder at the moment