Fool.... I am bipolar and read the article Byz linked here and I think regardless of one's dx it offers valuable advice. Bullheaded may be a loaded word for someone but certainly being assertive and expressive with your pdoc is important. Like you Typo, I go mute when set before a professional listener. It is really difficult for me to open up or even validate my right to be heard. I hope you are able to find your voice with your docs so you can get the most out of your time with them. I avoid docs like the plague and suffer the consequences in silence. Not recommended.

I hope you are feeling better everyday Typo. I know all to well the ride on the rollar coaster. Never know from one day to the next when the flip will happen. If it will happen and why. It remains a mystery and challenging way to live.

Fortunately the bad days do pass. One thing I am learning not to do when I am in the worst of its grip is to not to let myself ask why. That question is deadly for me. There is no satisfactory answer. It just adds to the rage, frustration, self pity, hopelessness, endlessness of the pain. It just feeds my most negative thoughts. I am teaching myself instead when that question tempts me to just keep telling myself it will pass. It always passes. It will pass. I find it really important to do my best to cut off the thinking. Nothing I am thinking in those times is useful. They all just seem to fuel my pain. I am teaching myself to dwell only on those things that will break the spell. That will counter how I feel when I am in the pit. It is almost like I am trying not to feel as a way to cut away the pain that grips me. I am trying to listen only to the echo of what I want to believe. I will be okay. This will pass. My thoughts are warped right now. My brain is playing tricks on me. I will not go there. This too shall pass. I will be okay. I will figure out why when I am feeling better. Interestingly when I am feeling better the question of why isn't nearly as loaded a question as it is when I am down.

Hang in ther Typo. You are definately not alone. It amazing me to discover that myself. I feel so alone in my suffering when I am stuck in the pit. When I read your words and the same sentiment expressed by others it does help put it into some perspective. I didn't invent this. It is not my fault. It will pass. I want it to stop but so far nothing is making it stop. Let us not give up fighting the good fight until the roller coaster stops forever. What a wonderful day that will be.

Hope you are feeling better every day. Be good to yourself no matter what.