This is a response I got from Sanityseeker that really struck me (during a conversation in a different thread). I said my T was behaving with extreme coldness, and someone had mentioned that a therpast's own erotic feelings about their client could create that kind of aloofness. So I wondered if that might be happening with my own T, or maybe it was just my own fantasy. Sanity said:

Hi Kitten... be careful with that thinking. It may just feed your fantasies rather than give you any clarity. If he is as you speculate, suppressing feelings then why isn't he taking the appropriate steps to ensure the boundaries are maintained. The quote suggests "these issues should be carefully addressed in supervision or peer consultation if needed...."

It would seem to me... and I am no expert on the subject, nor have I experienced these kinds of feelings for a therapist but... it seems to me it would challenge the effectiveness of the therapy if these kinds of feelings on one side or both were present and made worse if they were not addressed. I can appreciate how complex the client/therapist relationship can be... even more so having followed this thread along but it seems to me safety and open communications need to be present if therapy is going to be effective.

Have you considered looking for another therapist rather than playing with the fire with this one.

Wishing you well.

So I'd like to throw it out there -- what would those appropriate steps be for a T in this situation to take?

What would a therapist do if he were establishing the right boundaries around this? Would he have to reveal his own feelings toward me, or could he set those boundaries in an invisible way? Would he completely avoid mention of it? Would he become cold and distant emotionally, as my T has seemed to become, or would there be some other sign that he was dealing (appropriately or inappropriately) with this issue?

To clarify, my T has never said anything about his feelings toward me, other than that (and this was in the beginning) he thought I was a good candidate for therapy and seemed to be a person he could work with. Recently he said he wants to continue our sessions -- the question of continuation came up in relation to his coldness to me, and what I perceive as his inability to identify with me, or take my side when I describe life events to him. He disagrees with all of this. He tends to imply to me that I'm oversensitive and judgmental, and gives me the impression that other people suffer far more from having me in their lives than I do from them! I've just found his lack of sympathy strange (passive-aggressive I guess), and have wondered if his erotic countertransference (or whatever) might be causing his weird blind spot.

I would appreciate more input!