Hi folks,

How do we know when a person is manipulating us psychologically, what are the warning signs??

I have suffered a lot of psychological manipulation in life, starting in childhood, and it has taken a long time to free myself of it. It’s as if manipulators can spot an easy target.

Now I try to spot it quickly and step out of the way.

One sign I have noticed is that a manipulator will sell some course of action to me which is supposed to benefit me, but with no obvious benefit to them. I have fallen for this one loads of times. Then the hidden agenda appears and I realise that there is something they wanted all along. I am trapped in someone else’s scheme. I try to escape and the emotional blackmail starts. Result – misery. When I finally break free I am made to feel guilty for letting the person down, and sometimes they have lashed out pretty hard. In fact, it is this final phase, the lashing out, that confirms this as a case of manipulation, in my view. The manipulator is revealed at the moment their spell over me is broken, and I see an angry face – not someone who really wanted to help me at all!

This example is so obvious that any normally socialised person should spot it, but if we have been victims in childhood we seem to have a blind spot, a kind of paralysis. It is a ‘rabbit in the headlights’ feeling.

I would like to hear of other’s experiences, and other warning signs of the manipulator, as I’m sure there are many varieties of this nasty phenomenon.

Cheers