Hi ShadowDancer.

I know she's not set out to hurt me. She has, but it wasn't he intent. And I assure you the last thing I'll ever do is be a nasty so-and-so. The best thing I can do for myself, is be true to myself.

I don't know if you can relate to her skewed perceptions of love. Not long after things got started she told me she was falling in love with me. It seemed very suddened and I was taken aback. After a month we started to really bond... the first 5 months were the "golden period", so to speak. I loved making her happy. I organised a romantic evening with candles, roses, champange etc in a private room. She was reduced to tears as no one had ever done anything like this for her. I REALLY felt I was the best thing to happen for her.

But as this year has progressed she started to run hot and cold on me. I didn't respond with anger and abuse but with understanding - "I love you - let's talk about this".

She was torn and afraid of saying she was "in love" with me. On our break up she said she "didnt know what love is". Then of course, a few weeks later she's "head over heels in love with Jack". What IS love for her?

As for her getting therapy, she said "in a couple of years", after she'd finished her studies. In that time she wished to remain celibate -- but retain me as a close friend, even if others were confused about the status of our relationship. It's always felt off to me she would admit the need for therapy, but put it off into the distant future. Now of course, she's with Jack and I've seen a wholly different side of her.

I feel like yelling "but I'm the good guy!" She thinks he's changed. She always stayed in contact with him and continued having difficulties with him some time into the relationship. I asked her when I found out about Jack why she could be with him and celibate, but not me, to which she coldly responded "because I'm not in love with you." Yet on the break up two weeks previous, she professed she "loved me to bits and adored me."

I guess I've really struggled with this inconsistency. I believe she WAS genuine when we broke up, but once I was out of the picture for a week, did something trigger?

Thanks,
a very confused man.