I've been seeing a PTSD specialist for over a year. I told her I was DID a couple months ago. She doesn't believe me, but she won't admit it: she just says, "I don't not believe you". WTF does that mean, anyway?? I don't understand this; it's one thing if she doesn't believe in DID at all, but that's not what she's telling me. For chrissakes, she's met 3 of my alters! (that she knows of...these are the only 3 to admit to being someone other than me) She even watched me switch yesterday, which I'm not at all comfortable with. I'm past the point of getting her to believe me. And besides this, she wants to tell my parents! She wants to tell my parents about something she really doesn't believe I have. How the hell does that make sense? Both Rylie and Remy (the two that were out when I saw her yesterday) vehemently refused to let her tell them. Rylie said to tell them that my problems with dissociation are getting in the way of making any further progress with PTSD, where I've reached a plateau in therapy (if that makes sense). I'm still paranoid she'll try and pull something, so even when she tells them what I told her to say, I'll be in the room at all times.

We both agree that it's in my best interest to see someone else, preferably someone with more experience with Dissociative Disorders. But I still have to see her for several months (two at least, but possibly up to 5). Since I'll be moving 45 minutes away for college, I'll need to switch T's anyway, to find someone closer, but it might not be until school starts in September (because of stupid insurance ). I just want it to be over! The BPD in me says, screw waiting 2 months. She said we're over, so why can't we be over NOW?

Right now I feel she's doing more harm than good (which I told her). I have half a mind to just stop seeing her. She's creating inner turmoil, and furthering the fear that many of my alters have that we're not believed. I don't know what to do right now. I don't want to completely discredit all she's helped me with as far as PTSD and coping skills because of this, but I don't want to ignore it or take it too lightly. This is upsetting to me! I feel like absolute s*** after each session, and I need an hour on PC to calm me down (online therapy for issues from real therapy for issues...huh...)!

Let me know what you think. I'm pretty torn, but right now I HATE going to see my T. It's like I'm being violated every time I'm there...I almost feel like it would be better for me to stop therapy until I can find a new T than to keep going back to her. Is this just one bad session or should I take it as seriously as my alters want me to (sorry if that sounded...strange...)?