I think there are a lot of reasons a T might withdraw and become what the client perceives as cold or aloof instead of his usual self. One reason might be to discourage the client from continuing therapy with him. This is an indirect approach to getting the client to quit, and not a good one, IMO. Another reason might be that the therapist is struggling somewhat to maintain distance for what could be a number of reasons. Romantic yearnings for the client might be one such reason, as you have mentioned. But there could be others too, such as the client reminds him so much of his own daughter, or the client is going through struggles that he himself went through once and so he is over-identifying. All of these are considered countertransference. Sometimes withdrawing from the client is used as a "technique" in therapy to get the client to come out more. Sometimes a client is unforthcoming and hardly says anything and the therapist has trouble drawing him/her out. So if these efforts are unsuccessful, the therapist may reverse tactics and withdraw. Sometimes the client will come out and chase or try to regain the attention and closeness of the therapist. So there are a lot of reasons. If it were me, I would not assume it was some sort of romantic attraction unless I had other reasons to think that.

When you raised the question of his sudden coldness and aloofness, what did he say? Did he say he was not acting any differently than usual? If he was always rather aloof, that's one thing (and it raises questions of its own). But if he should suddenly change his regular behavior, it is a very good question indeed to ask him why! It seems to me if a therapist changes like that, he should give you an explanation. There are also times when the therapist appears to change, but it turns out that it is the client's perception of the T that is changing.

Was this one of the things your T denied when you spoke with him? I find this very interesting. (I had kind of the opposite happen in therapy--where I was denying being abused because I don't identify with being a victim and can't even use that word, but my T kept trying to get me to realize "it was abuse.") What I most thought of when I read what you wrote was my XH. Quite early in our relationship, somehow it came up--some of the bad stuff from my past. I got very negative vibes from my XH, like "don't talk about this" and even somewhat hostile and angry at me. Exactly what I would describe as a "strange lack of sympathy." I never mentioned this again throughout our decades long relationship. Much later I learned that my XH had himself suffered abuse in his youth, and I think now that he was so hostile to my own mention of this experience because he felt he had lived through it and put it behind him, and I shouldn't be talking about my experience but should do the same. He had never gotten sympathy from anyone on this topic, so he wasn't going to give it to me. So if your T is having some countertransference, it could be the sort where he identifies with what you suffered through and he is withdrawing to prevent overentanglement and "giving away" to you what he is feeling.

Wow, that's a big interpretation--sorry. Just your phrase "strange lack of sympathy" was very evocative to me about my XH's behavior. I hope you can get it worked out. I think when one is wondering so much, a good approach is to check in with the other person, to try to clarify his intent.