Hi Perna, yes, I think this is a big part of it -- we may just have different goals. I came to therapy thinking I needed a sort of life coach -- help in dealing with others, managing my own behavior, improving my relationships, attaining my life goals, etc. Whereas he seems to want to focus on my very early stuff and my possibilities for inner transformation. Which is great, and he's good at that piece. Maybe I'm just pushing for something he's not interested in or doesn't specialize in.

Yes, I DO have major erotic stuff going on around him, and to his credit he's dealt with it very professionally. I'm totally open to the possibility that I'm just fantasizing that, "Oh, he really wants me too," and that's all it is -- wishful thinking. (I'm a regular on the Romantic Feelings for my Therapist forum!)

But it was actually a post by SanitySeeker where she quoted a document about erotic counter-transference on the therapist's part, that got me thinking about this particular thing in regard to my own T. The quote referred to the fact that aloofness in a therapist is sometimes attributable to erotic countertransference. And certainly not that it always is. A little bell went off for me, which was the impetus for my starting this thread.

Ah yes, my statements often do reveal more about me than they do about others! And especially with this particular T, I am being driven nuts by his impenetrability. I don't presume to get this guy at all, and of course you all can't see him or know him, and you're only hearing my side.

Ooh, yes, I am paranoid about criticism and rejection at the hands of others. Given my experience, it is a well-founded stance. My T agrees that what I underwent in childhood was traumatic (one of the few areas where we've been able to meet). I think one of my challenges is that I have to try to start anew on a daily basis, instead of expecting hostility.

Yes, I expect my T to be hostile -- because I expect everyone to be that way. Actually, it might be better if our problems really did revolve around my being oversensitive. He's convinced of it, and when he says it I always bridle! Ouch, criticism!! But it would almost be a relief, because I feel I could change that.

Whereas I can't change him! But I actually LIKE this guy and have gotten some real help from him. Very occasionally we have a session that's so great, I feel like skipping. But the other weird issues are clouding it over right now.

I'll have to think more about that. Thanks for your insights, Perna!