feary I'm so sorry that you're struggling so much. I do believe there is a way out. I understand you feel like there isn't, I feel exactly the same way a lot of the time, I keep saying nobody can help and that I'm never going to get better. But there is evidence that mental illnesses can be recovered from.

It sounds like your therapist or doctor agrees that your medication hasn't been working, it's a good thing that you're trying a new one now, hopefully this one will work for you! and if not there are others you can try. don't give up.

I think you have a lot more courage than you realise. You just need time to be able to use it. You have been in therapy for a long time so you are dedicated to getting better, by the sounds of it. Don't give up, it's worth the fight!