THis is a good question. This role is supposed to be filled by our parents. Those of us who didn't get this need to get it from our T's. It is very healing!

I was just thinking about his today actually. I volunteer at the school and I was working with a boy who wasn't turning in his homework (5th grader). He was making up whopping stories about why he wasn't getting his homework done. After a few "meetings" where some trust could be built I just looked at him and told him that I couldn't believe his stories anymore. I wasn't mean or anything, just very matter-of-fact. He looked at me and burst out laughing. After a little bit more work with this kid he is turning in all of his work and is quite scholarly now.

Today I was thinking about how others might have reacted to his stories, like his parents, etc. They probably would have gotten mad at him or punished him. I look at how I responded to him as positive regard. Just because he tells whopping stories doesn't mean that I saw him in a negative light. If others respond negatively this depresses the person. A person needs to be lifted up, not pushed down. But this positive regard doesn't say "you did wrong, kiss, kiss for you". I addressed his behavior as not good but him as still "lovable".

I also think that this positive regard helps the person to accept themselves for the person that they are. So many people waste so much energy running from themselves and the facts. Acceptance is the first step to healing. If the T can accept the person for exactly who they are in that moment (warts and all), the person can learn that they can accept themselves too, because, really, you cannot move forward without accepting who you are right now.

Maybe you don't want it to help? because you don't want to go there where you can be vulnerable?