I'm not sure I've ever felt exactly like that, but I've come close. I can remember walking down the street (I must've been around 22) trying on the idea that I hated everyone I met -- and it always seemed to fit. I didn't want to attack them; I just didn't like them and didn't want to be around them. And I didn't think they were plotting against me; I assumed they just didn't like me (if they already knew me) or wouldn't like me (if they ever got to).

At the time I had no idea what that was about, only that I felt trapped and frustrated, everyone else seemed better off, and nobody could tell me what to do to feel untrapped and unfrustrated.

In retrospect, I was studying for a career I didn't really want (no, not psych, for those who may know some of my story -- that came later.) I thought I had to do what I'd set out to do, and if I didn't enjoy it or wasn't doing very well at it, that had to be my own fault. There seemed to be something wrong with me but obviously I couldn't fix it if I couldn't find it -- maybe not even if I could find it -- so what was there to like about me?

I don't know if that sounds anything like your situation. I was hoping that even if it didn't, the differences might give you something to go on.

I don't know how useful this'll be to you, but -- if they were talking about you or plotting against you, what would you expect that to be about? When I consider plotting against somebody, for instance, one of the first things that occurs to me is that I enjoy not having to worry about them plotting back, and usually I'd rather not give that up if I can help it.