Very good topic, Myzen.
I, like Faye, was married to someone who manipulated: rewarding me for behavior he desired, and being abusive if it was not in his interest. I stayed in that situation for 20 years, too intimidated to free myself.

In terms of friendships, I have been lucky, and only bond with people who, like me, desire open communication and equitable sharing. In my personal attempt at relationships with men, however, I haven't learned to discern. It seems I'm caught up in giving too much, while turning a blind eye to their scheming agendas. Interestingly, now I do not include the last relationship (which brought me to this site) with the Psychology Ph.D. He was actually honest and forthright about his lack of feelings for me pretty much all along. I was just too needy and wanting desperately to bond with him.

I agree that the patterns we learn as children, the invalidation of our feelings, not to mention physical and emotional abuse, sets the pattern.

Have I learned anything from my long history? I hope so, but only time will tell. If, and that's a big IF, I ever meet another man who interests me, I wonder if I will have finally gained a discerning eye!!!

Seeker Patty