rainbow, it does sound like if you can find something wrong with your Ts then you feel you don't have to attach to them. you're scared to attach so you find some flaw that justifies not attaching. but then you want to attach too so you are in this bind. how does this relate to your rl relationships either in the past or present? it sounds like maybe this bind, and your focus on it, is how you stay stuck so as not to have to look at those real life situations and either grieve your losses from the past and/or face your fears of the present. maybe you and T can just deal with this first part right now. leave the fears of whether or not you'll have the excitement or not for later. if you don't allow yourself to attach you won't be able to do the necessary work. if you do attach then you can go on and deal with whatever comes up at that point like the excitement or lack of it. i get the sense you're looking at many different scenarios all at once and it is confusing you. maybe if you can be a bit methodical about it and focus on things one step/conflict at a time it will help? hope something i've said helps but if not here are plenty of