((((((sanity))))))

i so get what you are saying and asking. i have a tendency to get over-involved in other people's struggles too and worry about them, and i am also much better at giving advice than emotional support. i wish it weren't that way but it's a learning curve i guess.

as perna mentioned judgment has a couple of different meaning. there is the sense of making a good, wise judgment (decision) concerning an issue and then being judgmental which she aptly described as being critical or mean or nasty. also it depends on whether or not we are talking about moral issues or just issues of personal preference. this is key. deciding whether or not to eat chocolate or vanilla ice cream is about personal preference and there is no right or wrong answer. something like "should i kill someone?" well that's obviously a moral issue and most everyone judges/decides/discerns that action to be wrong. maybe being judgmental has more to do with criticizing the person where having good judgment is about right and wrong conduct. so some things are right and wrong (or black and white) and some things are personal preference (grey). but when we say everything is right or wrong (black and white) or everything is personal preference(grey) we have overstated the case in either direction. it's not an either/or but a both/and.

when someone is being judgmental they might even try to make things into a moral issue when it really isn't. "that shirt is so ugly." that is supposedly making a judgment about something that is really just a personal preference/opinion. "ugly" has no objective standard and so is subjective and just a preference. the person isn't right but they think their preference is a moral judgment and may become insistent about this. this is judgmental in my book. the problem comes in when we as people collectively disagree as to whether or not an issue is a moral issue or just a personal preference/opinion. we make errors on both sides of the equation by sometimes saying something is just a preference when it really is a moral issue and other times by saying something that is a personal preference is a moral issue. we humans know how to mess it up well. of course this all begs the question as to how we know what is a moral issue and what isn't, but that is a whole 'nuther kettle of fish i am not going to get into.

we can be neutral on issues that are not moral like what ice cream to eat, which job to take, etc. but we can't be neutral on moral issues. there do seem to be some basic issues that most people will agree are moral issues: murder, lying, stealing, adultery, etc. there may be some exceptional cases where it is going to be right to lie or maybe even steal but most of the time most people can agree that these things are wrong. when we can't agree on whether or not a certain issue is a moral issue or just a personal preference then unfortunately lots of conflict can ensue and people get very opinionated and judgmental.

as for giving advice without being judgmental i think it's like what others here have already said. i can tell someone they shouldn't steal that $1000 from their employer (i've made a moral judgment about the issue as being wrong) and say it nicely or i can be abusive and judgmental about it and scream my head off at them and call them all kinds of terrible names (i've made a moral judgment but also been a jerk about how i communicate that). so, we can give the same advice nicely or meanly.

also, i do think sometimes people need advice and not just support. some of us, like me, need to learn to offer more support rather than advice though. but if i've just driven my car into oncoming traffic i don't need empathy or support i need someone to say "turn the car around now!" so we don't get in an accident and die. i also think it's great if people tell us how we can best help them or if they do or don't want advice.