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Apr 15, 2010, 07:33 AM
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Member Since: Jun 2007
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 5,518
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((Sanityseeker))
I used to work for a pediatric cardiologist, and we really loved our patients and their families. When I first started, I became attached to a little boy and his family. He was very sick, so we saw them almost on a daily basis. His heart condition was bad and he needed surgery - but his heart gave out before the surgeons could get to him. 
It ripped me apart too because it was a requirement we give our hearts to our patients (and families) in their time of need. I asked my boss how he did it every day because a child isn't just a folder to be filed away. After what had happened, how do you pick up the next folder and move on? He said to continue to care and continue to give it your all. If it works, that's great. If not, at least you know you've given it your all. Even when the outcome is tragic, a family will be able to find closure a little easier when they know everyone involved gave it their all. We are human beings....we are not God.
The key for me was to realize my patients did not belong to me, even though they did - just like the folks here don't belong to you.
I'm the same way with my friends. We'll give each other advice on occasion, but it has no impact on our friendship. I got into a heated argument with an online friend once because we both stood firm on opposing views and refused to take each other's advice. I was afraid she would "defriend" me. It was completely unmoderated, and the crowd thought they were about to witness a brutal cat fight. When it was over, my friend said "That was FUN!" We both learned a little more about each other, why we think the way we do, and our respect for each other grew even stronger. I'd walk through fire for that woman, and I know she'd do the same for me. 
If you are willing to give your heart, be sure not to attach any strings. Offer what you can, and allow the people to take whatever they need - even if what they need is to ignore your (or my) advice.
If my post doesn't make any sense or does not apply to this thread, feel free to disregard my rambling. 
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