((((rainbow))))

I just wanted you to know that I am reading and I am sorry you are feeling so many things. I know for me I get afraid of getting close to people and will many times push away before they can get too close. Trust is a big issue for many and sometimes we have to take care of ourselves because to allow someone else to would be too big of a risk.

I know that this is different but just wanted to say that I met a friend and I had only seen her through a picture. I was going through a very rough time and I do not really know what I thought but when I got the picture of this person I freaked out and I took it to my t. All I remember saying was no this cannot be her, she does not have dark hair and I and all within were realy upset and felt almost wronged.

For us, our t had becomer the only and safest person in our world and we could not imagine someone saying that they cared and loved us yet they were not like our t. Maybe that sounds really stupid, but it was the only way we could at the time connect safety--was through the only person that really was safe or that we believed cared about us.

I know it is not the same, but it was the only thing I could compare to what you were talking about. It really tore up all those within. Wanting to believe that someone could care yet they looked nothing like t. So, could it be that with the other t you saw safety and somehow you were able to connect to them, and to change that safety look would even upset you.

I am unsure of the part about therapy being erotic. Never thought of it as that. Sometimes it is all I can do to go. But I think it would be hard to feel that and try to explain it. Anyway, I just want you to know that I care and hope that you can work this out. I will continue to follow this and wanted you to know that you are being heard.

Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps