((((((((( all ))))))))) Thanks again for all the wonderful support.
I was honest with T about everything. Even the hardest question - when he asked in the hammer thing was SU intention. It was. But I did not want to admit it and would NOT have told him if he did not ask. Of course I was bawling the whole session. To top it off, my only friend turned 50 today and she lives just up the road from me and we have been friends for 18 yrs and I wanted to take her to dinner but she turned me down. :-( It broke my heart. But add that to the daddy stuff and all the inventory stuff yesterday. Well last night I had just had enough of it all.

T did come sit next to me (the first time ever) and helped me to just feel the pain. He had an old towel there amongst his props and told me I could do whatever I wanted with it that showed him my pain. He thought I would just twist it but I tore it in shreds. He said I could :-) Of course the funny part was that he said to just drop the pieces on the floor and he would clean them up later - but I COULD NOT do that. I HAD to put them in the trash as I tore them off.

Anyway, he did not make any decision about the work as I could not tell him what I wanted - since all I wanted to do by the time I got to see him was just find a way to end the suffering. So I have to go back to see him tommorow. I just want the pain to end. Is that too much to ask?