Here is an update for all the people paying attention to this soap opera. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant with his child. I found out last week. Did your jaw drop too? Yeah, you read right. Pregnant. And do not for one second think that we were not protected in our infeditilty as we were. That 15 percent chance, yeah, Lucky me, I became that one and a hundred to become pregnant.

His reaction was at first to get rid of it. Later reasoned away to that is what he thought I wanted. I was firm in the fact I didn't want to terminate this pregancy. That it isn't easy for some people to sweep things under the rug. Then he changed his tone when I told him not to worry about it that I would take care of it that we didn't need to talk anymore. Then suddenly he was excited, "a little excited" and we taked a bare minimum of it. Seems to be easier for him to be loosened up to the idea when he has had a few drinks in him. He is an alcoholic. (lucky me) And recently I told him I thought we should talk.

I mean really there is A LOT to discuss. I have no insurance, I have to name him as the father. He agreed that we needed to talk in person and yet today was jsut not an oppurtune time for him as he couldn't leave. I feel like second place. I am honestly considering not even having this kid.

I told him that the only reason not to have it is him. That no matter what I resent him and that I either need to leave him or not have this baby that I refuse to be second place.

I am 25 years old, who is going to want to start a family with me when I already have one? Ya know. I mean really. There is no winning for me. He may think he is getting a divorce and yet I highly doubt it. And I don't care if he hates me I really needed to talk and he couldn't pull a measily half an hour out of his *** and so I came to my own descions without him and left messsages so now there is nothing really to discuss. THis has totally ruined us. I laugh at it's ironic factor.

I am having this baby, I have to. I can not forsee not. I have told everyone. I was excited. My daughter is totally excited. But I am so alone and so confused and I just want answers that I am not getting. I mean am I wrong to assume that if he can not find a few minutes of time for me that in fact he doesn't really care like he says he does? Maybe he does, maybe he really really really cares, but not the way I want him too and that is what will maek or break a person.

Can I really do this alone? How am I supposed to do this? How did I get pregnant with this man's baby? I seriously was done with him, in the transition phase. I have not seen him for three or four weeks. I have built those iron walls up and now....now I have his child growing inside me......life is jsut full of surprises. THis one I did not expect. Condoms are supposed to work properly.............AHHHHHHHHHH........help..........I am so alone and confused..........