One thing T and I talked about today was how he recently took the state credentialing exam and passed. Despite his training and degree, he's never taken the test before, preferring to have a lesser credential. It turns out he is a terrible test-taker and didn't do well in his younger years whenever tests or grades were required. So this was hard for him--to have to study hard and take the test, not flub it, not give up half way through, not draw a blank when he stared at the questions, not get too nervous, etc. As he told me this, I thought how he is such a great T (IMO) and it seemed kind of absurd, with all his skill and years of practice, he had to take this test to prove that. (Although of course I see the need for these exams.) I was thinking if I was grading his performance as a therapist, I would give him high marks.

Now comes the corny part. When we were ending the session, he stepped away for a moment, and I quickly found a post-it in my purse and wrote a "grade" on it for him. Then after we hugged good-bye, I said I had something for him and handed him the folded-up post-it. He looked at it and said something like, "we don't have time, running late, the next client...." and I said, "it's OK, it's short." He opened it up and read silently what I had written, "A+." He took a moment to comprehend, then looked at me and said kind of slowly, "this is really meaningful." He was so stopped in his tracks--I really enjoyed his being surprised/pleased/moved like that. I remember kind of chuckling and smiling--I really enjoyed giving him something that would have meaning for him. I opened up the door and said "see you next time," and went on out.

I am not usually given to corny gestures, but this was very fun. I liked getting to be that way with my T, and having him like it too. It's nice to know I feel comfortable (and safe) enough with him to do this, and not be worried he might make fun of me or laugh at my sentimentality. (I was often laughed at as a child for expressing feelings, so it hasn't always been easy to loosen up with T and take risks.)

I actually can't believe I did that.