I'm not sure that "dependency" on our T's while we're doing the hard, hard trauma work is a bad thing. I know that I have NEVER been able to depend on anyone to be there for me, to take care of me, to make sure I am okay. Letting myself depend on T has been so, SO healing for me. If he wasn't open and willing to let me be dependent on him for a while, I honestly don't know if I could have done the work I've done.

Now that we're on the other side of the trauma stuff, I am learning to lean more on people outside of therapy. Having the experience of being allowed to lean so heavily on T has made me feel safe and supported enough to start to allow myself to truly connect with people outside of therapy. I know now that I CAN allow myself to depend on other people.

For me, I think it's like a pendulum. I spent my life being completely, 100% independent, never asking for help, never expecting to be loved. T let the pendulum swing to me be dependent for as long as I needed to. And now the pendulum is settling in the middle, at "interdependence" with people OUTSIDE of therapy, which is how we are supposed to be...depending on one another, helping each other, believing that we are worth connecting with, and being willing to connect with others.

I am moving towards being much less dependent on T. It is a transition, and transitions are hard, but it feels right. Because I allowed myself to depend on T for as long as I needed to , I don't NEED to in the same way anymore. If T hadn't been so open to my dependence, I don't think I would be where I'm at in my healing right now.

This is just *my* experience, and I know it's not right for everyone. But I just want to show that being dependent is not always a bad thing. Not at all.