TRIG WARNING (( slight SI mentioned briefly ))

Ok guys, I am laying it on the line now. In a few hours I will go see T. This is the session he is supposed to be returning me to work from short term disability. And I really want to go back too!!! No kidding! This trauma work has stunk! And I am just ready to get it all behind me and move on.

The problem though is that on Monday, T gave me homework to write out just the facts of the abuse my dad did to me. No emotional info. So, I thought it would take a few hours and a couple of pages to just do a rough outline. Well, I did the rough outline and it took ALL DAY yesterday to do it!!! And it is 8 pages of stuff! I didn't think I had that much stuff happen just from dear old dad.

Anyway, by last night, I had it. I got to sleep a few hours ago and just woke up. But that is not the bad thing. The thing is that I kinda engaged in self harm. I say kinda because I didn't hurt myself... but I kinda tapped on my temple with the hammer a bit. Not much... sorta. It was spontaneous and I was just so hurting. Also bit myself a bit on the arm. Nothing left a mark though. But it did tick off my protector alter Elaine big time. She wants me to tell T what happened. But I do not want him to keep me out of work any more. I just want all this behind me.

He keeps trying to get me to face the anger about my dad. I was never allowed to be angry at him. So I have managed to turn all that inward on myself. Urrrrr

Anyway, would you guys tell T about something like that? IDK what to do !!!!