Thank you all again. The past two days with all of this have been a nightmare. I talked with my HR person last night and they want me to be healthy when I come back - so today I am going to be honest with T and let him know I am not yet ready. I think he is trying to get me to the point where I will say what I need and draw my boundries. Boundry issues are big problems for abuse survivors. It is not comfortable for me to say clearly when I need something if I think someone will be mad at me for doing so.

Last night I had another serious flashback about the CSA that rocked my sanity most of the night. But I made it through the night. It was very hard but I did not dissociate or self harm. But I understand now the depth of my SU thoughts all my life as this serious event was when I was about 3 yrs old. The depth of the detail from the flashback make me certain of the contents. I am still in shock about it. But was waking up all night long dealing with the little me from that age wanting to SU. Amazing how a child of only 3 yrs old can want that when things are too much. Very sad. Makes me really want to work even harder for not just self healing - but to somehow make it to where I am strong enough to perhaps help others if there is any way I could.

So today in session should be powerful and interesting. Less about anger and more about truth and movement forward. I have a ton of growth still to go. But one step at a time. Thank you all so much again!!!!!