Quote:
Originally Posted by WePow
Wow! What a session! No wonder you have trouble with sleep. Your mind has so much it is trying to sort through right now.
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thanks sweetie!! yes, the sleep is probably a therapy thing hey. it's been a long time since i've lost sleep over something i've said in therapy. i hope i get a good night's rest soon, but it's already 1am here and i don't want to try to sleep just yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by imapatient
I wish he'd been more gentle and nurturing with you later in the session. Maybe he's no good at being warm & fuzzy?
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ha. he told me as we were wrapping up that he'd been very easy with me and something about how we'd get more into the swing of things next week. and i finally got up the courage to say "actually, i think you pushed me really hard" and he paused to think and finally agreed. i dont know if he agreed just to avoid a rupture or if he reconsidered, but i thought
i'm not coming back next week if it's only going to get worse. i need next week to be gentle. gosh. pdoc on the other hand is the most gentle person i know, so i'm glad i'm seeing him next. austin-t wanted to meet me on pdoc's day and i'm glad i said no because i wanted to see pdoc instead.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa
First of all, if austin-T thinks you have a hard time opening up, this session should have changed his mind because although this session was very difficult, I am seeing a wide-open deli right here!
As far as that weird gap in the session, is there any way you can ask austin-T what happened? It sounds to me like a dissoc moment where there is true amnesia.. I wonder if you talked about something that was too hard to remember? I know it would drive me crazy to feel that I lost part of a session in this way. I've never had total memory gaps, just "faraway" dissociating.
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thanks (((((((jexa))))))). yeah, austin-t said he felt he'd learnt more about me than he ever had before, he was encouraging me to continue. i think i'll see what happens next time and if he starts with the heavy firing questions i'll try to say that part of the 'success' of last week was that i got to bring up my stuff first.
yes, i've never had complete amnesia before (apart from trauma situations, possibly) so i am a bit confused about what happened, if anything. i want to suss it out with austin-t, but chances are he won't remember. i have faraway dissociating, out of body stuff, or just make the outside world numb (so i can stay inside my body). so, e.g., when i was dissociating a lot with pdoc at one point at least i was aware he was talking, even if i didnt pay attention to the words. this was different - to the point where i'm not sure i spaced out at all? i'll check with him what happened next week.
Quote:
Originally Posted by googley
Sometimes I lose entire sessions. Not as much any more, but it used to happen all the time.
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i've had things in the past where ive forgotten sessions, or never really been present enough to begin with - but this was like... snapping back in and not even being aware that time had past. i thought i had been present the whole time, so it was disorienting to find out maybe i hadnt. does this happen to you googley? i'm a bit confused about where "i" was if i wasnt with austin-t.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mobius
Nice work, Deli  I'm with imapatient on this one - seems like maybe it would be helpful for Austin-T to help you stay more regulated so that you don't become over-stimulated and feel the need to dissociate in session. Is there a way that you could signal him when you're starting to go away? |
im getting better at grounding myself when i recognise that its happening, but i dont know what happened here. i think maybe like googley said it was an overload or something and i must've just done it without realising. ive never, ever been pushed that much before. it was tough!! and i'd been proud of myself earlier for not self harming right when i needed it, but maybe the dissociation happened after because i didnt do the self harm. ugh.
i think i need to ask austin-t what happened, maybe i didnt dissociate at all and it's just that he hadnt said the whole thing he'd meant to say so it felt weird that way. i dont know.
i debated asking for an earlier session because this stuff is going through my head a lot, but eventually i decided i have too much uni work and i'd prefer to see pdoc first. i need some pdoc because he helps me relax.
thank you all for your replies
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