I believe that to a certain extent we do pick our mates to simulate our growing up situation. It is most evendent to outsiders when we are not conciously aware of what we are doing. You, however, are concious of this dynamic therefore you are in the position to step out of the cycle.

I was/am in the same position as you. Alone in a city I didn't know with a man who didn't want to mix our relationship with his friendships and did not feel comfortable when I tried to develop relationships with other couples. It has been a struggle for me for 17 years. I am still alone and lonely and it causes large amounts of resentment on my part.

So I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to develop my own relationships without him. I am going to have to pursue my own interests, go to places that I like to go, do things that I like to do. It is hard. It takes a tremendous effort on my part to get out there. And when I do and leave him home by himself I feel tons of guilt. But why should I? I have tried to enclude him in my earlier efforts without success. Feeling resentment for him because of this is not doing our relationship any good so it makes sense that I take the bull by the horns and do what makes me happy. I will let you know how it goes.
Zen<font color=blue>

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Did You Know:
If you rewire the visual input from the eyes of a baby ferret to the auditory (hearing) cortex of its brain, the auditory cortex will "learn" to see? The signals will be less orderly resulting in the ferret having 20/60 vision instead of 20/20.--from study conducted by neuroscientest Mriganka Sur at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.