i know i should (((((((((((((((monty)))))))))))))))))))))

the thing is...i don't know if i can HANDLE ONE MORE ISSUE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. like...if i ignore this it will go away. it's getting worse. i haven't had panic in years and it's coming back even. i go to bed and i see that blankety blank mask. it hurts so much and scares me. thru the day, i'll get short of breath and see that mask and his eyes. his wonderful eyes. ugh, crying again.

is part of me maybe just now realizing his death thru sharing maybe?

thank you so much. you're right. i have to talk to t.

love ya,

kd