Z, I didn't remember saying that, but it is true.

So, how do they zero in on us?

I've reached an age and stage in life where I have a lot of perspective, often uncomfortable to realize, about my own behaviors....
First of all, I had very low (to none) self-esteem. When I met a man, I was always in the accommodating mode. I could see myself doing it, but I couldn't stop it. My own needs were unmet, but I continued, whereas an emotionally healthy woman would have stopped! The things I put up with for the sake of maintaining a relationship were outrageous...now I see it!... but at the time it seemed "normal" in order to maintain.

I so wish I had had this insight (the lightbulb coming on) when I was much younger. I wish this for you! You do not, repeat, NOT, have to be with anyone who does not show you total respect and kindness. If any little voice in your head shows a red flag, do not ignore it! Your inner voice is very VERY important. I ignored my inner voice for many many years.

I would also suggest, no matter what the expectations of a potential partner has!!!! regarding intimacy, to take a long time to be friends, to get to know his values, his attitudes toward you. Once you embark into an intimate relationship, judgment goes out the window. Let the man do the work! I did ALL the work in the unfortunate experiences I had, and now regret it!

Love and good hopes for you!
Patty

Editing: I just want to add here that the "perspective" I mentioned comes from realizing that having been raised by a mother who was narcissitic, my own needs were nonexistent. I was never allowed to express opinions, emotions, or objections. This model, I carried into my adult life with men who behaved the same way. I felt this was normal.