I really relate to what you're saying. I was also an honor student in school. I was part of a special program for gifted students since I was 11. Everyone always talked about all the potential I had, although it was usually prefaced with the word "wasted". I never went to university or college because I knew I wouldn't be able to stick it through. Long-term stuff just kills me. I knew it would be a waste of money.

My family moved a lot, so I had to change schools often. I always started off at the new school really great: perfect attendance, handed in all my assignments, did really well on tests... Then somewhere along the way it all just fizzled out. I'd lose all interest and nothing seemed to matter anymore. The worse I did, the more de-motivated I became.

Just once, I'd like to know what it feels like to be really passionate about something. All my old classmates are doing so well in university. They are pursuing their dreams and having a great time. I don't even have any dreams to pursue.

People tell me "well, just pick something and become really interested in it!". Sure. I'll just draw a random subject from a hat and force myself to fall madly in love with it. It works for relationships, so it's gotta work for careers too!

Except... oh wait. It doesn't actually work that way.

Sorry for getting my bitterness all over your thread.