I hate it when you can't control your tears. I've been sitting at my desk for the last half hour trying to bat away the tears, but they keep coming. Why? I don't really know... I guess it's a little of everything. I feel 100% worthless, useless, like a big blob of wasted space. To make matters so much worse is all the schoolwork I need to do. This is my first semester back in college after nearly a 5 year break. I thought it would make me happy to finally go back, since it has been bothering me for the last 5 years, but it's actually making me feel worse. I've always been a decent student... mostly A's and B's... the occasional C... a D once or twice (math), but now I'm struggling to do anything at all. I should be happy now that there's only 2 weeks left of school, but I have 6 research papers I need to write in that time plus whatever other work they give me and I'm falling apart. It's not that I'm not capable of doing it, it's just that my mind is drawing a constant blank and I'm panicking. I don't think I've ever felt so stupid in all my life. I want to quit... I want to quit everything, but that only makes me panic more because I have nothing to fall back on. I'm just going to come right out and say it... I am a loser.

Another thing that's irritating me: earlier today I read an article about symptoms of stress (some of you might have seen it on yahoo) and I was telling my mom about it and how I have about 7/9 of them. I've been battling stress my whole life. Anyway, my dad overheard us talking and started lecturing me about how there's no reason whatsoever a person like me should be stressed about anything and if I am it's only because I let myself worry about the little things that aren't important in life. What?! That one minute lecture made me feel so awful and useless. I haven't done much with my life since high school and I know he's always been disappointed in me, but now it feels like he's implying that because I don't have a job I shouldn't feel stressed out.

Well, there you have it... I'm a severely stressed out bum. Thanks for letting me rant...