OK. I will try to keep this as short as I can.

I met someone here on PC many months ago. We carried on a friendship outside of here, via IMing and emailing. That person is no longer here. Since she left we had less and less contact. I missed her, however I would have to say that on some level I was relieved.

I was relieved because I dont know how to be a friend. Or at least a good one. It is easy to come here and offer advice, chat or whatever but when I want to go and leave, I sign off, thats it, no strings, no nothing. When I am ready, I come back. I feel like when your friends you have to be there 100 % of the time and I just cant. Not only that, but the closer I ge to people the more they see of me, the real me and I dont want that. I am afraid that if I get to close either they will leave, wont like me or I will dissappoint somehow or they will think I am stupid or whatever.
Anyway, this person has been emailing demanding answers on why I have strung her along all these months rather then be UP FRONT. How can you be upfront and say "I dont know how to be a friend". I just dont know how.

Maybe I dont want too. Maybe because I know how it will turn out.

I have a confession here. I was supposed to meet Parker10 a few months back because she lives in the same area where my mother lives. I spoke with parker on my way out there and told her I would call her when I was on my way. Well I never did call her. You want to know why? Because I was afraid if she met me, she would see me for the loser and sham and dumb person that I am. I cant be a friend. I cant. I dont know why.