(((( looorie ))))) You are very brave for sharing those personal truths with your T.
It is one of the hardest things to do in session - to be totally honest about what is going on inside.

I also understand the SU thoughts. There is a root to those thoughts. I just found that out for myself only yesterday and put the pieces together. I have had SU thoughts since I was 3 yrs old. When I had the flashback that told me exactly when I first dissociated and how my first SU thoughts came about, well I was angry. It was not my fault that my mind decided life was not safe enough and was just too painful
But suddenly I decided that I was angry that someone else did something to me that stole my joy of being alive. And that stunk!

So now that I know what happened and why the SU thoughts were so strong, well now I have to work on reclaiming what was stolen from my soul.

I really think you can do this too. It will take a lot of work to get to the root of the sorrow, but the biggest step is what you just did with being able to be honest with your T. Continue that and continue to be honest with your emotions. When you are with T is the appropriate place to experience all the range of emotions in life and trust T to help you move through them in a safe way. Hope this makes sense.