((((((((( Jexa )))))))) I hope you are feeling better today. It really is very hard 24 hours after you tell T the big stuff like that. But yes, you do have to walk through this iiiick right now. If you need to, send T an e-mail and just share how sharing that made you feel. I had to do that when I started my trauma work. There was so much there and the first 6 sessions or so when the "story" began to unfold, it did feel like I had made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I hated myself for telling T the stuff that I went through. But he encouraged me to tell him that part too. And he reminded me that he was there for me and was on my side.

There is something that will happen the more you open up and share these things with T. It has to do with the fact that you had to keep this stuff so hidden for so long. At first, the pain of telling T is there along with shame and guilt and all the other ick emotions. And for me, it was a huge weight of thinking T would not believe me - I did tell teachers after all when I was a child and one of them even laughed at me. NO ONE believed me. So when I started to tell T, well I automatically thought he was not believing me. I even had to ask him point blank if he believed me. He did. And I was afraid he would somehow punish me for what I was telling him. But he did not do that either. He was very understanding about all of it.

In fact, something happened that had NEVER happened to me before in my life... suddenly I had an advocate! I had a real person who agreed with me that what happened to me was very wrong! And he was mad at the people who hurt me! WOW! I was blown away because he cried a few times hearing about my trauma. And he comforted me and told me it was not my fault. And he did believe me!

It will not be a joy ride for you to get all this out to your T. And you may well hate T and even doubt all your sanity in doing this work. But please keep in the back of your mind that you can make it through. And there are going to be rewards for you that will come your way. You will not see them right now. I didn't. T said he didn't see the rewards when he went through his trauma work. It is a part of the process - the emotional blindness that happens at some point when you start to go through the fog. But stay VERY close to your T right now and stay very honest with your grief and with your processing. You CAN do this.