I seem to be working in circles, I honestly didn't know where to put this, It seems to hit a wide range of topics so I thought here would be good

In the past two years I've started therapy, and trying to take charge of my mental health and to face my demons.

I seem to be getting really good at invalidating myself, and my experinces, sometimes I wonder if I'm "too sensitive" and maybe things I went through aren't really that traumatic, that I'm just blowing them out of porportion and letting them have too big a hold on my life. being "over dramatic" or a "hypcondraic" as my mother calls me from time to time. And sometimes I wonder if I am just blowing the string of events labled as "traumatic" out of porportion, or maybe I've gotten the details mixed up, or some other invalidating thought...

It seems I'm stuck in this cycle, this endless circle of getting somewhere, then falling apart and invalidating myself, becoming full of fear and isolating.

I find myself struggling with learning how to manage my bipolar II as well, I am well informed on my PTSD and coaping/grouding skills. I have problems committing to meds (and well almost anything in general) I"m back to seriously considering giving meds a try again, I can't handle these off the wall mood swings, I"m all mixed up I can't tell what is a vaild concern or just the ****ed up chemicals in my brain, I try and take the stance that I have to treat my bipolar disorder like I would if it was a physical illness. If I had (insert physical illness here) I would take the nessacary medication and precautions to care for myself, since I"m bipolar I need to (insert blank here). It's hard because my knowledge on it is so minimal, and I don't know how to get more information.

I find it frustrating becauase my at home support is non existant, my parent's won't accept it, or they treat it like a death sentence, or that I"m glass and about to break, or they even go to the point in pointing out how I am never going to be able to care for myself if I am bipolar because of x, y, z, etc...

Everything is so frustrating right now, I'm so stressed, it feels like I"m not getting anywhere, that I"m just walking in circles till I"ve worn a hole in the ground and all you can see is the top of my head, I want to break this cycle, I want to get better, damnit I want my life, I want this fear to go away, I want to feel like I"m acomplishign something. I want things to go right, I want to make progress, damnit I want stability! I've never really had any stabilty in my life, and I CRAVE it..

the problem is, I don't know how to get it, and I have an issue of freaking out when I have it, T worries maybe I sabtoge stablity in my life, because all I know is chaos and disorder,

in a short summary this is how I feel:

GARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR