I can so relate to what you are saying.
Before, I've never experienced what it's like to feel loved by a man, either. Or, I don't think I have, anyway.

I've been married twice. My first husband was very considerate of me through his actions, but we couldn't communicate whatsoever. At least, he couldn't anyway. Not once could he say the words, "I love you" to me. Sure, he showed through most of his actions, but something was so seriously missing. I felt like I was married to my best friend, instead of my life partner.
We lasted 10 years until I finally gave up trying to complete/compensate what was missing. To this day, we are still best friends. Always will be.

My second marriage was a mistake on my part. I married out of pity, I suppose, or out of my believing I could fix what was broken for him.
He and his wife were my good friends, (with his wife being my bestie at that time).
She died suddenly from a brain aneurism at 35, leaving behind her husband and 4 children, all of whom were a part of my life, as well.
I moved in with them to compensate for the loss of caretaker of home and kids so that he could manage his work with fewer worries.
Months later, he and I began to become emotionally involved. I knew then it was too soon for him, as he hadn't gone through the grieving process. But I felt so bad for him, so I allowed it to happen, anyway, telling myself that I can handle it.
Once he and I became emotionally involved, the kids attitude toward me changed. (Assuming that they felt threatened by my invasion of their dad, I'm guessing, or possibly attempting to become "mom"). I made clear to all of them that I was by no means attempting to replace mom, as that was impossible to do.
Anyway....
A coule years into the marriage, I become pregnant. Keep the baby, even though it went against my best judgement. Meanwhile, he still moarns for his wife. He still harbors deep issues, regrets, resentments, anger...all that. And I'm the target of his issues. I fall as the scape goat to all that had gone wrong for him.
His kids turn against me, he turns against me, yet....like the fool i was, remained. I wasn't in the position to go out on my own with a baby. I remained.

I was merely a void filler for my husband's loss. Sure, there were feelings for eachother, I mean, after 15 years how can there not be....SOME kind of feelings present. But love? Nah. Not the kind of love you are speaking of.

To be IN love is an entirely different matter, imo. And that is what I've longed for my entire lifetime.
Then, 4 years ago, it happens. I finally experience what it feels like to be in love AND to experience what it feels like to have someone be in love with me, as well. What a wonderful thing it truly is.
Just my luck that the love of my life, my soulmate is halfway on the other side of the globe.
Though this is quite the inconvenience, let alone a test of what true love entails, it is not an impossible mission for us to unite.
I've finally found my love and I'll be damned if distance, finances or legalities will detour our unitement. It's just going to take....time.

Shangrala