It's probably not all that uncommon, but when I have some semblance of a decent day (not great, just not terrible), I think about quitting my meds. On horrible days I think I need them, just a different combination. Fact is, I know that once I have several weeks of feeling okay, I will want to come off of them and not blame the feeling good on them. I know this and I will still do it. Why?

My hair has fallen out to the point of where it only makes a scrawny little pony tail. I can't stay awake in the afternoons. My liver is being overloaded. I have a bizarre skin discoloration that I think is from Geodon, but it's the only anti-psych that has worked on me to stop certain symptoms. I either feel fried and hyper or drugged and listless much of the time. I've become a hermit and hate to leave my house for anything. I can't even work for a full day any more because of the afternoon dizzy/drowsiness. I feel like a zombie in my second class. Everything overwhelms me.

And yet, my mornings are decent now. I have some clarity of thought until about noon and then in the evening from about 6 onward. I just want to feel good without the meds, but realistically I think that's probably impossible. And that depresses me. I feel crippled, but SSDI doesn't seem to think so despite my doctors' letters.

Okay I'm rambling. Sorry for the dumping. Thanks for your support. You guys are all tough cookies. If you can handle it, so can I. We can all make it together, if that doesn't sound too corny. I think it's true.

PS, the thoughts are getting less powerful about the sleepwalking, etc. to all