I think anger is a feeling and what is said/done is on the part of the sayer/doer and isn't about the other person at all. We can't know why someone else says/does what they do so it doesn't bother me if they say something "off" when they're angry. Someone calling me names or being ugly doesn't mean that's what I actually am and I know myself well enough to not be bothered by someone saying something negative about me. I try to find out what's actually upsetting them and see if I can help solve the problem. Anger is about a problem situation, not a person.