I've read allot of your posts and have allot of compassion. You often write descriptively about this incident expressing anger at the man; however, you write very much about your own self-hate. I'm wondering maybe if you should focus on if you feel guilt over the incident. Why do you feel self hate and confronting things within yourself. I agree forgiving yourself is the next step, but in order to do that, you have to look at what you are holding yourself accountable for. We all have weaknesses. To move beyond this, perhaps you need to confront yours. Take this all worth a grain of salt though.