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I was looking through my drawings of my parts again today for something that I am doing with them and I just got so dizzy and feeling clamie. I was photocopying them at the library, where I hoped they had a scanner for some other art work I have been doing (they didn't).
I was asking inside (Sparrowtail's famous words) and there was this sudden critical onslaught. It had to stop. I spoke (internally) in no uncertain terms that I would not stand to be spoken to that way. This critical one sounds so much like my verbally and emotionally abusive husband. It seemed to when I said: "Stop" I know this was a part that came as a protector from the actual husband but for goodness sake I only dropped a library book on the ground...it didn't require the whole onslaught of that verbal/emotion abuse. I am trying to apprehend this part before it attacks but it is rather elusive and usually gets me when I am low emotionally. Also, when I saw all those drawings again I just felt in denial, guess I never admitted to having parts while at the library. Um, not sure even why I need to say this but it gets overwhelming sometimes.
Also, have been dealing with a considerable amount of guilt around another matter from earlier this week. Had a few close calls with steam and hot pots. This was kind of disturbing but spent almost all of the therapy session this week on that matter. I am not to blame! How timely to have the words from PapaBear. When my Mom attempted her sui it always feels like my fault even though I was not ever home at the time. Seems when I have to face love and death matters, I am again struck by these guilt feelings. Someone was very sick this week and I felt like I was to blame. Gee, I hadn't seen this person for at least 4 days before. I don't deserve this and I am seeking the peace that goes beyond the natural. I am invited to breakfast with this huband and the rest of the family tomorrow and I am already stressing.
Sorry, I think I am addressing about 5 things here but I just needed to let it unfold.
Thanks everyone,
Hunny
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“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein
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