I hung out with my brother today and we had a good talk (about other stuff obviously) and now I'm eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's and drinking wine. I am feeling sort of okay now. Maybe it was okay that I told T this. Maybe we didn't go too far, since I seem to be recovering and now it's just this simple, stark reality. She knows.

I tried to ask her at the end of session, where do we go from here? I was having trouble wording things and she thought I was talking about how we were going to wrap up the session and started saying, "Well, we'll recap what we talked about and.." I told her that wasn't my question but she still didn't get it. I don't know how we're going to treat my problem that is basically this awful re-experiencing trauma thing that has been there since I was 8 years old. It has been there so long and is so entrenched and at the end I didn't have any hope that things would get better at all. Just felt exposed and disconnected since she didn't get my question. I am not looking forward to next session.. plus she is going away for a week after next session too! Blah.

I swear, I don't get how people don't take mental health issues seriously. One conversation made me so physically ill it might as well have been an organic sickness, a medical sickness. Definitely easily as real as anything else.