FZ.. The more I hear from you and think about this, the more I'm pretty sure of what I have to do. And that is, have absolutely nothing to do with her recovery. If I am involved in her recovery then I will be "winning" and she will be "losing" if she recovers. It just won't work. We can maintain a relationship (and I will work on boundaries as best I can.. *sigh*) and I will still love her but when those conversations come up where she is seeking my validation of her behavior, or a challenge from me on it, I just have to bite my tongue. I can't say one way or the other anymore. Neither one will help. And I can't give her anything anymore. I can't hang out with her when she's high. So it's got to be about me now. Not about her changing her behavior, but clearly stating to her that I have controls on my environment, that I choose what I want and don't want to subject myself to, that I don't care how she acts except for when it directly affects me.

mafub, thanks for your story! It gives me hope. I so very much so hope that my sister will turn out okay! I don't know what kind of journey she's going to go down. She always did want to do things the hard way! But maybe in the end she will be like your son.. and maybe in the end our relationship will be salvaged somehow..

Blue, thanks for this. I am going to try to make the boundaries about me, not about her behavior. And I'm going to try to be strong when she reacts to that (for she certainly will call me selfish when I tell her no). We've talked about interventions before but knowing my sister, she won't react well. She'll just run out of the room or she'll go on a rant about how she's "not the same as us" and she refuses to "fit into our stupid boxes" or whatever other justification she'll throw out there. I find myself wishing I could get her in trouble so she could go to court-mandated therapy. But I would never do that. I just wish she would go get some help! Obviously it can't come from me! Even though I want it to.

She knows the drugs are wasting her time but she already told me she thinks she's going to die young. She told me she's fine with that. It just breaks my heart. My other little sister says she thinks she's going to die by suicide one day. How can I get close to my little sisters when they say these awful things? I worry so much for them.

What is she running from with such force? Is it the same thing I'm facing right now, shaking in my boots? I get how you can convince yourself of anything just to keep running and running and running from pain.. but once you turn around, even though it's hard, it ends up being okay. It ends up being something you can breathe into. And through the darkness comes the good feeling you were looking for.. maybe not perfect, but better than these stuck places. I wish there was some way I could tell her this. I mean, I've tried but I wish there was a way to reach her. I really have to give up on my efforts, don't I? *sigh* I hope this is the right thing to do.