My Support Forums - View Single Post - Roller coaster, reliance upon someone else for happiness

turquoisesea · Apr 18, 2010, 12:40 PM

Last night was amazing.

I went to see Alice in Wonderland with my boyfriend. We ran back home and grabbed pizza at a local shop and ate it while walking to my first hockey game ever. I had so much fun. I was laughing, bouncing. In love with my boyfriend and with life.

This morning I woke up with all these wonderful ideas for the day. My boyfriend had his first day off in a week (which is why he could stay up late enough to do those things the night before). That also meant that we could actually wake up next to each-other and do a bunch of fun and exciting things that we had planned out. First words out of his mouth weren't loving, weren't his arms around me, wasn't hey we've got to get up so we can get going. "they need me at work"...
Cancelling everything.

and now I'm sitting , I've cried 3 hours today. I've shut myself off from the world I'm so down. So much was riding on today for me, because the next few weeks are going to be an emotional roller coaster and I just wanted a shiny day to hold onto.

I dunno

I guess I can't be happy by myself

Maybe the relationship with my boyfriend is unhealthy. Maybe we should be apart for a while, I don't even know

I don't even have a friend I can call - I let down the only one I have left and now I can't make it up to her like planned by giving her a ride to the market because my boyfriend has my car to get to work (so I'm stranded)