((((comp))))

Thank you for caring and for reading. I am so sorry that you also understand some of what I am saying. No little girl or anyone should ever have to know this. I am lost right now in all that is taking place within myself. I am scared as I look out around myself trying to understand this great big place they call world. For I only lived within myself for so long and even later stepping ouside of myself I could not see what was around me for it was within I was hiding away afraid to look or to risk being seen.

Trying to reach out now for awhile, I am finding that for the first time I feel anything for real, and the feelings I have are confusing. I am almost afraid to feel these things for I never knew it was even okay to feel. Knowing that other people feel these things somehow does not make it any easier for when you kept yourself from life how do you really know it is okay. I know that it was not my fault and I do not any longer want to carry their guilt and shame. But I have to say that I still hear it screaming through my head at a sound much louder than normal. Maybe it is because I am turning away from something that for so long was truth to me and all within.

Some within are really scared at this new awareness. I look out now and see those within as if the compartments are no longer there to the degree that everyone is so separate. I know that things had to take place the way they have in order for me to get to this place, but it has been hard and now exhausted I am unsure. I do not know what next or how, all I know is for the first time I feel emotions I have never felt before. And it is scary not knowing what they are or how to deal with them. And still somewhere in the back of my mind a fear of we are not suppose to have these. I know that will take time to settle but until then I am lost within it all.

Thank you for caring and for being here with me. It means so much. I appreciate you and thank you for your support and holding.

dps