(((((((( TracyL )))))))) There has got to be a root to your pain. I understand totally that pain. Like I told T a few weeks ago - "I can't believe it is normal to wake up every single day of your life and be sad because you didn't just croak in your sleep."
So I kept looking for that deepest root to my pain. A few days ago, I found it. UGGGG! It was a critical CSA event at about 3 yrs of age.

Now that I know where the deepest root comes from, I have decided that I need to find a way to take back what was stolen from me - my joy of being alive.

Just my experience - and who knows - I may decide still that it is just not worth it. But at least now I sense there CAN be hope.