Toni

Well, to answer the first part of your question, let's stay with the radio metaphor....

So here we are, we sat with our thoughts and some clarity has come to us. Then we might feel directed and centered on some new plan of action to solve the previous dilemma. Maybe we've only put our thoughts into a perspective that has more understanding and de-toxified the gunk.

We return back into the situation and the dynamics that created our previous funk are still existant. The other party has made no adjustments on thier own or our behalf and is not suspecting that anything has changed. His/her normal method of "fuzzing" begins.

At this point if you don't follow thru on the conclusions you'd previously decided to end this cycle, you can find yourself it's participant again.

It's important to remember that you are the fence tender. You have the final say on what enters your center. You choose the music on your radio.

What could happen is that we aren't persistent in our new committment to ourselves. Sometime we are caught off guard and find we've re-entered an old pattern. If the situation comes quietly as in the case of your friend, it would be hard to detect it's approaching, and soon we could be surrounded by it. Again, I think the answer is that you control the music you dance to.

Sometimes I believe we could have compassion for someone and want to be humane and give this person a dignity and respect that could boost most people up from their place, but for some, this person might have needs beyond what best intentions can repair. We might feel we keep giving more and more and yet no progress seems accomplished.

I think this is a point we should evaluate the cost of our effort. All we give sometimes feels like a black hole is taking more and more. Sometimes when we give gifts of spirit it might be just the words or act another needs and as such, the cost is very minimal, the gift is equally exchanged. In other cases, the person's need is so great we can literally give every ounce of spirit we have and still the need is unsatisfied.

I think different people have different tolerance levels. I think it is best to know what tolerance you possess and be true to your own spirit. No one can help others who cannot help themself.

Sorry for the long-winded reply, hope this helps.....

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius