in australia you're allowed to get up to 12 sessions under medicare with a therapist subsidised. the process is that you get a referral for 6 sessions, go back for a review, and get your next 6 sessions.

austin-t suggested a GP to go to but when i rang for the review appointment that doc had left the practice. the medical centre is only 2 streets away, and austin-t has his private practice located there, so i asked him if there was a different GP he would recommend (i'm scared of health professionals at the best of times, so i don't go unless i can have someone swearing black & blue about how good they are).

austin-t told me there was a new guy who was so good that austin-t had decided to make him his family GP. he did say he was the same cultural background as me, which made me feel pretty reluctant to see the GP, but i don't like that i have stereotypes regarding race like that so i decided to go to this GP.



the GP couldn't give me the referral based on some minimum period requirement, which is ok and i understand that. but then he sat with me for 15mins telling me how i should get married and have kids, and that if i didnt have a boyfriend now i should go back to where my parents came from to find someone and etc. he then told me i should start watching tv shows in that language because otherwise when i have children my children won't be able to connect with their grandparents (my parents). i was a bit like this is my nightmare coming true. and im no good at being assertive when i feel like ive been trapped in a box, but i did try to say that i wasnt interested in that sort of thing right now (and not in the manner he was suggesting it) but he kept going on about how it is important and stuff. and then when he saw he wasn't going to get me to agree he suggested bringing my mum next time so at least she knew that she had his support.

it was gross . i left and felt like crying. i hate that when people see me that all they see is the colour of my skin, and that because of that they box me into this ideal of what they think i should be. i cant ever escape that and it makes me sad that that's how people see & therrby interact with/avoid me. i just feel really crap about it, and i also feel crap about myself for wanting to avoid people from the same cultural heritage based on my assumptions about 'them' being all alike. i guess i cant blame anynoe else for only seeing my skin colour when i cant go beyond it myself.

and i know this is something i should talk about with austin-t (race is a big issue for me) but i dont want to say anything bad about this GP to him, especially because they work together as colleagues and austin-t uses him as his GP too. and the other problem is that i still dont have my referral, and i dont have the $ to pay full fee either. so im feeling kind of upset and anxious and desperate and screwed.