Well, I already came to the conclusion that I have been dissociating. I've had dissociative amnesia. There are major memory gaps in my life. I can only remember pieces of abuse, at least in my childhood. I do lose time, I wake up and then it's night time so fast, and I hardly remember if I did one thing during the day. I didn't think I was spilting into alters. And I don't think I have become aware of this part, if I hadn't been trying to remember an incident in the past couple days. I had an intense flashback last month and this alter came out then as well, only I didn't understand it or try to talk to it. When I did try to remember something the other night I felt extreme fear and anxiety and I felt the same way when I tried communicating with this alter, I became physically sick and had to stop. I know I'm not ready to remember everything and this part is doing his job by protecting me from the memories. I just want to get better for my son and my husband.